Punny

Puns for educated minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out  to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

11. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

12. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

13. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

14. A backward poet writes inverse.

15. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.

16. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine .

17. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

18. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

19. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

20. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

21. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

22. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. 

Movies: Thor 3D & The Hurt Locker

Thor, highly entertaining bullshit, putting my newly acquired 3D goggles into action again.
If you're a fan of such whimsy, you'll be satisfied at the story-line proposition that the gods of nordic legend were actually visitors from a galaxy far, far away.
Thor gets booted out of Asgard by Odin, his old man, for being an arrogant impetuous upstart, winds down the worm-hole to exile on planet Earth, where he's discovered in the desert by a gorgeous young astro-physicist, (Natalie Portman).
Chris Hemsworth plays Thor, a 6'3" adonis as well as being an Aussie, ex 3 years in TV series, Home and Away, studied American dialect in Sydney acting school, did the tongue in cheek stuff really well, we should see more of him in future. In the 2009 version of Star Trek he played Jim Kirk's father.
Anthony Hopkins (Odin), and Renee Rouseau, (Mrs Odin) were the lovable cameo's.
Hot stuff, 5/5

The Hurt Locker, I watched on Sky movies, really wasnt looking forward to the suspense of bomb defusal, but was curious about what made it oscar material. Finished up really enjoying the experience as well as an education into US military technology, and an examination of personal character in the soldiers.
Kathryn Bigelow's oscar nominations were well-deserved. The hand-held camera work was a standout feature in conveying the reality.
The media are often too quick to portray clumbsiness and immaturity of the American troops and military. This movie should go a long way to rectifying this.
Rather topical at the moment, with the obliteration of Osama, and the focus on fear of reprisal, which fears again are compounded by this sense of US military incompetence.
Not so I think. Will Smith wasnt in fantasy-land flying an F16 up a canyon in Independence Day, I've seen that sort of stuff with my own eyes; have met a US Seal face to face who'd put Thor in a shadow.
Under their courteousness, Americans also have a steel stemming from a fighting heritage, War of Independence, Indian Wars, Civil War, County wars, and their efforts in WWII.
Plus the technology.
It wasnt the Spitfire or the Hurricane won the Battle of Britain, it was the Mustang P49, an RAF vet admitted as much to me, ditto Omaha Beach, and if it wasnt for the Americans in the Pacific, I'd know a fair bit about rice-growing and bicycle assembly right now, if I'd been allowed to live.
Pretty naive to take this assembly of force on, Hurt Locker told it like it was, most terrorist bombs blow up their own people, sad...
Even American educated General Kuribayashi, detailed by the Emperor to head Japanese forces at Iwo Jima knew he was on a hiding to nothing, that his country should never have booted America in the shins.
One of the gratifying things about how news has unfolded in the last week, has been the rise to prominence of the immediacy of the handheld cell-phone telling it how it is, rather than how John Campbell or Duncan Garner see it.
There's hope for all of us there, and hopefully enough Facebook, Twitter and blog capable appliances rife in the middle east to educate them about what life is really like here in the lands of us infidels, rather than how it might be in the hands of extremists.
Hurt Locker, 5/5

Ulysses Economy Run

Took the CB and joined a handful of bikes on the Ulysses Economy Run up the Parapara, today organised by Lloyd, to Ohakune Station, where we stopped for lunch.

View across OreOre, Ruapehu just visble

Gusting heavily between Raetihi and Ohakune, but mostly fine to overcast, and warm down in the gulleys the rest of the way.
I was interested to try the CB out, serious, coast down the hills, and keep to a rev limit of 2000 rpm, which I soon found pretty ho-hum and upped to 3000. Stayed in top gear most of the way, which the torquey 1300 handled no problem.
Was tail-end-charlie first aid kit carrier for the day, and was soon left behind with that sort of discipline.
Took 9.46 litres for the 210km, but was well caned by Neville on an 850 Beamer at 6.something, plus by a couple of Suzuki Bandits.
It was interesting to overhear others comment they went for a lower gear immediately they sensed the load of a hill-climb, and I'm inclined to agree. Even though engines like the CB can work relatively low in the rev range, you probably get better efficiency the closer you are to the optimum power and torque points, and consequently get from A to B quicker so the engines running less time.
Of course my other feeble excuse is Nev's probably 75kg lighter than me!
The tucker at the Ohakune Station Cafe isnt to be sniffed at, 9/10, we just managed to get clear before a train-load of 160 excursioners pulled in. One of them told me they did Auckland to Wellington behind a steam loco on Friday, the Masterton, Manawatu Gorge, Wellington loop Saturday, and were now on their way home behind the diesel loco'd Overlander.

Fields Track

Homeward to Wanganui we came down Field's Track, rejoining the Parapara at Kakatahi, hardly any traffic along an autumn coloured ribbon of road.
Nice ride, particularly at the sedate economy-run pace.

Show: Elizabeth Marvelly and the NZSO

This young lady, now 21, made her first appearance in Wanganui with Sir Howard and Dame Malvina's Knight with a Dame show 4 years ago, as one of the first promising young stars selected for their newly formed support program.
Given the finesse and control in her voice she's obviously attended to her lessons well, recently touring Europe as supporting artist to tenor Paul Potts.
The Wanganui Home Tour performance was the last of a series of 5 in the North Island, and a nice opportunity to see and hear the greater part of the NZSO as well.
Carl Doy arranged the music, (has probably assisted with both her CD's, also backed by the NZSO), and in a great show of versatility, conducted the orchestra. I've got both his piano and guitar by Candlelight CD's from way back.
The orchestra did a Phantom medley and The Final Countdown on their own and Elizabeth filled the rest of the program with a well-received selection of popular songs including, Over the Rainbow, Dont Dream its Over, Cohen's Hallelujah, How Great Thou Art, Amazing Grace, I Vow to Thee My Country.
And my favorites for the evening were The Judd's Love Can Build a Bridge, the Caccini Ave Maria, the Delibes Flower Duet, and Edith Piaf's La Vie en Rose.
There were a couple of maori numbers in the mix, her pronunciation was perfect, and the jazzing up by NZSO well done. She also handled the other languages very well, good french with La Vie en Rose.
I always judge shows or movies by how effective theyve been on my memory, with this one I bought both her CD's on the way out the door. They're still on carousel on my car CD player, and will be for some time yet.

Been a bit of a festive music week here in Wangas.
A couple of days prior was High School's annual show, this year, Guys and Dolls.
They pick quite adult shows to perform, and pull them off magnificently. A couple of years ago it was Blood Brothers.
All the leads were big roles, well executed. Not to take anything away from them, I thought the performance of Alice Crowley playing Miss Adelaide was outstanding.
The Fugue for Tinhorns is always a fun number, and the boys playing Rusty, Benny, and Nicely were excellent, and top comedy.
As with Blood Brothers, there's a bit of girlie stuff doing can-can style dance routines, you sort of wonder if its going to be raunchy or what, but choreographed so well and done so enthusiastically, I can only say it was a delight to watch.
In fact, at about 70 odd performers, again like with Blood Brothers, the stage management was supreme, the Opera House stage isnt all that big.
The High School roll's about 1700, and 150 turned up to audition for the 70 odd parts. Lot of talent there.
All the back-stage work is done by pupils too, good education.

And that left Amdram's Godspell running a week before, as a bit of a poor relation, but nonetheless another well executed Lynne Whiteside direction.

A top week of music for Wanganui.

AB Circle Pro

These things have an almost cult following, so I've found, an AB "Circus" Pro more like.
They retail for something over $400 NZ, I had to bid $330 on TradeMe for mine, thats about the middle order quoting on the site for units in good condition second hand. Have since heard of successful bargaining with the retailer on return units at better than the above.
There seems to be a few sharks in the TradeMe pool too, same listings under different names.
Real question is, why are they so popular?
I was attracted because on TV, it looked like a 15 minute hell, and like all exercise disciples, I want to do something about my mid-riff, you can do it indoors when its too wet for other outdoors stuff, and it dosent rark up the carpet.
Does it work?

Another torture rack

A mate spotted it while visiting the other day, and he said none of them do, that's why they continue to sell!
Cant follow any logic in that, but for my two-bob's worth after 4 weeks, yes, I think there is some value.
First, 10-15 minutes on it hurts.
I do 8 exercises, 3 sets of ten as prescribed on the support DVD, with 6 sets of ten push-ups on it, spread between them.
Often I do this twice a day.
Second, I havent gained a hole on my belt, but its definitely easier doing up the trouser top button.
Third, I swim twice a week most weeks, and thats definitely coming easier, swimming's a lot to do with twist of the trunk towards the leading hand. So much of normal daily exertion gets easier with core trunk fitness too.
Fourth, you can get pretty warm after just 5 minutes on it, saves on home heating!
Just a couple of proviso's.
One, the old hoary chestnut, specificity. Its a big help, but its not a whole fitness spectrum panacaea. Drop running in favour of time on this machine and you'll lose aerobic levels.
Actually, to update on this comment, my running, like the swimming, is coming easier with improved core strength, just the huffing and puffing to work on now.
Other comments:
I weigh over 110kg, I'd say that's close to the machine's weight limit, the rollers creak a bit under me on some of the exercises. I'm also limited to the middle effort setting, (there are 3 settings determined by slope of the circle, flat to steep), my knees get some damage on the steep setting, which a lighter person probably wouldnt experience.
If youre buying one, get a later generation version with 2 rollers under each knee-pad.
For those that believe these things dont work, I'd comment that the torture level would have the average feckless Joe giving up in a week. Theyre also a bit boring, you cant watch TV while youre doing it, like you can with a treadmill or stationary bike.
On the other hand, 10-15 minutes isnt a big time impost, just do it enough for the hurt, but not so much it kills the motivation.
Train, dont strain.

Bella's Cafe

Had a nice feed last night, worth noting, as much for how it came about as it was in the eating.
During the week, Dompost's Life insert carried a story about Palmerston North's MasterChef NZ contestant, Michelle Berry, and her penchant for the pork loin main at Bella's, 2 The Square, PN.
If you're a late diner like me, you can usually find a park in George St, or the little street that joins George with the sw corner of the Square, but enter from the Square.
As she says, the dish is actually 3 servings of pork, a serve of fillet, a square of belly, and some perfectly done crackling, resting on a base of mustard slaw.
I had mine with the vegetable side, carrot, cauli, and something else, but not forgetable on account it was fresh and crunchy, just how I like it. Other sides, eg stringcut fries, salad, to name a couple are also available, $5 ea.
All menu mains were $35, and although a little lonely looking on a huge plate, I left the table pretty replete.
I chose a glass of Kingsmill Tippet's Dam 2007 pinot noir, and was delighted with the match with the meal. Critics have described this wine as dense and powerful, and amongst pinots I'd have to agree, solid rather than over-powering though. Also said to have a savoury edge, I'd call it more a slight age/fume, giving the long finish. Now one of my favorites anyway. $15 a glass here, but no regrets about that.
I'd forgotten about Michelle's recommendation of the chocolate cheesecake, but the maitre d` kindly offered a serve in a take-home bag, which I accepted, but didnt really need, the main was so enough on its own, and the cheesecake a bit too rich for me.
The service was excellent.
So was the coffee.
It was a dear enough meal for one, but I'll be back. Michelle says her hubby wont go past the eye fillet.
They even asked if I'd like the paper to read while I waited.
9 out of 10.

Holiday Rides

Before I forget, 1200km on the CB between Boxing Day and New Year.
First to Wellington, stopping off for all-day b/f at Beachcomber Cafe, Waitarere Beach.
Worth the 5km diversion off the main drag, keeps good hours, good off-street parking, nice outdoors tabling for fine days, and wholesome tucker. 9/10.
Then on to Upper Hutt. Gave the Akatarawa road in from Waikanae a miss, nearly got bowled twice last time I tried it.


View from Paekakariki Hill


Just as an aside comment, I'm finding Subaru's the biggest vehicular road hazard to my biking. Is it something to do with financial availability to the not so mentally well-endowed? Could I make the same observation to next in line XR Falcons with their market-leading lease policies.
The Paekakariki Hill has something of the same rep with some bikers, but I think its an OK ride.

Overnight hospitality with US trip roomie Richard and 'Cinta, meeting up with Roger and Robyn for a decko at the European Masters Exhibition at Te Papa, (while Roger and Richard waited out at the Brewery place next-door), great to be able to spot a Monet, a Degas, and a Van Gogh, all from the same vantage point, privilege.......

On way home stopped at Red House Cafe, Te Horo. On sighting this place up on Google Maps once I'd got home, was somewhat surprised to see comments bagging it, some people are right hard to satisfy toss-pots.
Sure it wasnt hash-foundry cheap, but contrary to the comment, I thought the service was the equal of any city, and certainly more than I expected for a wayside inn, the menu was fine dining standard, and they "no problem" made up a special salad to order for me, as I only wanted to eat light on that occasion. 8/10 on JReb's scale.

Raukawa Falls, Parapara

Next day, it was saddle up again, heading for Tauranga to scope up a farm ute prospect, a glorious morning ride up the ParaPara,  TePonanga Saddle, Western Taupo, for a b/f stop at Whakamaru. Dunno the name of the cafe, but its on the right as you turn right towards the dam, and worth pulling into. 8/10 on this one.

Mt Ruapehu

Did the deal on the ute, and home again, jiggedy-jig.